If We Were Real
by combatboots
Summary: Usagi and the scouts don't actually have any powers. They just sort of think they do. Mature content. (reveiw me!)


Hey yall- these people arent mine. I didn't think them up. But they are fun to write about. (review me^_~) here goes the neighborhood…  
  
  
  
IF WE WERE REAL…..  
  
By: Vampire Elf  
  
Once upon a time, people pretended to be super heroes. Our tale begins with a remarkably realistic muppet-cat by the name of Luna. Luna belonged to a girl of 14 years named Tsukino Usagi. Usagi had long hair, as gold as the rising sun. She also has schizophrenia. She was in the middle of bleaching her fair model, Brittany Spears. During this, Luna the muppet decided to make trouble and chew on Usagi's hair. Without realizing it, Usagi picked up Luna and performed this particular task.  
  
"OUCH!!" shouted Luna the muppet, "IT BURNS!!"  
  
Mamoru ran into the living room to save his one true love and only ever love. Only to discover she was mutilating herself. So he calmly strutted back to the living room to his beloved TV. The same TV which was now playing a porn video starring Brittany Spears and Christina Aquillera, and a white cat muppet that looked remarkably like the one Mamoru had begun to masturbate with.  
  
'Mina is konked out on the bed she'll never know,' he thought.  
  
MEANWHILE….  
  
Back at the Hikawa Temple, Rei-Sama was concentrating in front of the great fire. She was praying for the winning lottery numbers to the 55 million jackpot. She was intense on awakening her 'hidden powers' that she didn't hear Amy walk up behind her to tell her that her ramen noodles were ready. Amy wouldn't take no for an answer after slaving over a hot stove for a grand total of around 8 minutes, and she whapped Rei-Sama upside the head with her mini-super-computer. Rei-Sama somehow managed to find a way to look indignant as she fell unconscious into the great fire.  
  
"OH SHIT!!" bellowed Ami as she dragged a flaming Rei-Sama from the great fire. She bellowed so loudly, that Rei-Sama's Grandpa thought for a moment that he had been caught at the peephole he was drooling in front of.  
  
Makoto was taking a bubble bath. More importantly, she was almost drowning in the process. She had insisted that the bubbles be green, which was completely and totally not helping the almost drowning situation. Makoto tried to get the bubbles to fly, so she would reach into the air to help them along, when suddenly, her butt would slide forward, her boobs would smack her in the face and her face would go underwater. Makoto emerged from this repetitive string of events naked, bruised and looking like a very unhappy jolly green giant. Needless to say, grandpa wasn't sure if he should be turned on or laughing hysterically. He wasn't even sure if he could get his little buddy up.  
  
BACK AT THE TUSKINO HOUSE…..  
  
Mina awoke ungracefully. Very ungracefully. Upon hearing grunting and screaming coming from the other side of the house, she was scared into awareness by falling. Or rather as she preferred to think of it, breaking her fall with her beautiful face. At any rate she had wrapped herself in the sheets while sleeping, and upon awakening had fallen into a crumpled lump, from which a muffled sobbing could be heard coming from. She had broken her nose. 'How would she ever be a famous model if she had a nose job,' she cried.  
  
Usagi's left pigtail; had burned completely off and she had Luna the muppet to thank for it. So she had changed into her Sailor Moon outfit to make herself feel better. She tromped into the back bedroom where Mina was crying and kicked her.  
  
"C'mon- we're going to save the world," and so they hopped Haruka's neon yellow convertible which had appeared out of nowhere in particular and drove unlicensed to the temple. They covered their virgin eyes and walked past occupied Mamoru.  
  
OVER THE CHERRY HILL WAY…  
  
Rei-Sama was coming to and Amy was trying to calculate a way out of the temple while hiding behind the great fire. Rei-Sama got mad when she discovered her hair was now a blackened, somewhat singed version of Amy's. Amy didn't have a second chance to yell as Rei-Sama wrapped her up in a roll of duct tape odufa scrolls.  
  
Q: "What are these??" Amy asked before her face was covered. Always one to learn information.  
  
"They're odufa scrolls without all the paint and before they are cut into separate pieces. They to be made out of something heavy duty to withstand all those fire attacks," Rei-Sama growled as she covered Amy's face. Then she walked feebly out of the room and not in a straight line either.  
  
In the hall she literally ran into a naked, green Makoto wandering around. She was wandering around because she couldn't find a closet with clothes. Rei-Sama found her a Sailor Fuku to wear, because nothing else would fit and it was even green to match her skin. Then Makoto helped her put a fuku on the motionless Amy because she just looked naked.  
  
At which point Usagi and Mina arrived fuku-clad. Mina had changed into her fuku in the convertible while they were diving, causing had caused a string of car crashes. No matter how hard she tried she just hadn't been able to get the outfit on the first time. All that was irrelevant because it was on now.  
  
Mamoru had driven over on his motorcycle as he sat on the white cat muppet. He was supposedly getting 'road head.' He had felt left out. Then he got to the temple, where he found all the girls in really short skirts. Rei-Sama was standing in the middle of the yard, completely nude, trying to reach Makoto's nose because she had a nosebleed, from the aforementioned affliction. Rei-sama was naked because she had undresses to change into her fuku but didn't have time to start putting clothes on. So she had tied it around her waist instead. Mamoru decided to hide in the temple with grandpa because there was too much estrogen in the air. But he was sorta tempted to stay because it looked like Rei-Sama was practicing to start a nudist colony. But when the girls marched off into the sunset to 'save the world' – well any guy would follow a short skirt wouldn't he?  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
AN- a thousand thank yus to my wondreful typist miko. (&hey please don't take my stories with out asking) byfernow all. 


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